every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
