Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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