I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
