Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
