dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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