ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
