My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
