I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
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Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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