Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
