If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize