yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
