Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
