That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I forget how to act sober
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
