I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
