it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
