Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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