I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
