Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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