i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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