I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize