My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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