Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Church boner. Awkwardddd
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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