I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
