I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
