I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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