sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
