do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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