Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
