Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
