Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
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So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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