You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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