im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
