hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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