I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
