You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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