I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
