My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
