you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
