Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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