yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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