Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
