Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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