Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
