the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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