Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Someone came in the potted fern
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
