My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
