I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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