I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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