Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
