After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i wish my penis had a tongue
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
