I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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