My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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