As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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