Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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