He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
