if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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