Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
