he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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