god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
