I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
