Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
