Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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