just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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