okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
