her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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