Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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