so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
