oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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