It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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