I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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