guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
