I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
