i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
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Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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