ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
