i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
