what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
ok first of all what the fuck
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
