why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
