Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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