there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
