Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
