Who wears a wallet chain?!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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